Suzuka Circuit, Thursday 14:00 JST, Media Centre: Fernando Alonso failed to appear for mandatory FIA media obligations at the Japanese Grand Prix, citing the birth of his first child as sufficient grounds to ignore Article 18.1 of the Sporting Regulations requiring driver attendance at official press conferences.
Let the record show that the 44-year-old Aston Martin driver — who has attended approximately 847 Thursday media sessions across his 23-year career — finally discovered something more pressing than explaining why his car handles like a shopping trolley with three working wheels.
The FIA, in a rare display of human compassion, granted Alonso an exemption under Article 18.2.3 covering “exceptional personal circumstances,” which apparently extends beyond the usual definition of “food poisoning” or “mysterious back spasms.”
'Fernando will be back tomorrow, ready to race. Some things are more important than answering the same questions fifty times.'
— Mike Krack, trying to sound diplomatic
Probably. We weren't on that frequency.
Aston Martin team principal Mike Krack was left to field questions about his absent driver, delivering what can only be described as the most genuine performance of his managerial career. The usually robotic Krack actually managed to convey human emotion when explaining that Alonso’s partner had given birth to their first child — a development that, shockingly, takes precedence over discussing tire degradation at Turn 130R.
The media centre, meanwhile, buzzed with the kind of confused energy typically reserved for when someone asks Max Verstappen about his feelings. Journalists who had prepared their annual “Fernando, how does it feel to race at Suzuka again?” questions were forced to pivot to Lance Stroll, who provided his customary insight with all the charisma of a wet napkin.
This marks the first time in recent memory that a driver has skipped media day for genuinely heartwarming reasons rather than the usual suspects: diplomatic incidents, contract disputes, or that time Kimi Raikkonen simply couldn’t be bothered because he was having a shit.
'Papa Alonso! The baby will probably drive better than our car this year.'
— Lance Stroll, attempting humor
Overheard through three walls of hospitality unit. Accuracy not guaranteed.
The Spanish driver is expected to return for Friday practice, presumably having completed the more important business of welcoming his child into the world — a process that, unlike F1 car development, actually produces something that works properly on the first attempt.
Article 18.1 of the Sporting Regulations may mandate driver attendance at media obligations, but apparently even the FIA acknowledges that some things transcend the sacred duty of explaining why your car is three seconds off the pace. Who knew the governing body possessed such revolutionary thinking?
Alonso’s absence serves as a timely reminder that beyond the helmet and fireproof overalls, these are actual human beings with lives that extend beyond providing soundbites about “giving 110% for the team.” Though given Aston Martin’s current form, perhaps spending time with a crying baby will provide excellent preparation for dealing with his car’s performance this weekend.
