Alpine have issued a strongly-worded statement condemning the social media abuse directed at Franco Colapinto while simultaneously denying “completely unfounded” allegations that the team is systematically favoring Pierre Gasly. Because nothing says “unified team” quite like having to publicly deny you’re sabotaging your own driver.

The Enstone squad’s statement comes amid growing speculation that the Argentine’s struggles this season stem from more than just rookie nerves, with conspiracy theories swirling faster than an Alpine through the gravel trap at Turn 1.

Team Radio

'I don't understand why the car feels so different from yesterday'

— Franco Colapinto, lap 23 at Suzuka

Colapinto's engineer took 47 seconds to respond, which is totally normal and not suspicious at all

“We categorically condemn the unacceptable abuse Franco has received on social media,” read Alpine’s statement, presumably typed while Pierre Gasly was out collecting another points finish. “Furthermore, suggestions that we are not providing equal treatment to both drivers are completely without foundation and frankly insulting to our professional integrity.”

Ah yes, professional integrity – the same quality that saw Alpine accidentally send Colapinto out on intermediate tires in bone-dry conditions last weekend, then somehow forget to tell him about the strategy change that netted Gasly a seventh-place finish.

The timing of Alpine’s defensive statement is particularly interesting, coming just days after leaked WhatsApp messages allegedly showed team personnel discussing “managing Franco’s expectations” and ensuring “Pierre gets the priority pit window.” Alpine have dismissed these as “fabricated nonsense,” though they’ve been notably quiet about explaining why Colapinto’s race engineer has been seen wearing a Pierre Gasly cap in the garage.

Team Radio

'Box, box! Wait, sorry Franco, stay out. Pierre is boxing this lap.'

— Alpine pit wall, Japanese GP lap 31

This definitely happens to both drivers equally, according to Alpine's "professional integrity"

Team principal Bruno Famin insisted that both drivers receive “identical equipment, identical support, and identical opportunities,” which raises the question of why Gasly has scored 18 points to Colapinto’s zero this season. Perhaps the Argentine has simply forgotten how to drive since his impressive Williams stint, or maybe Alpine’s definition of “identical” is more creative than most.

The social media abuse targeting Colapinto has indeed been deplorable, with keyboard warriors blaming him for everything from Alpine’s poor performance to global warming. However, one can’t help but notice that defending him from online trolls is considerably easier than explaining why his car seems to develop mysterious handling issues every time he shows pace in practice.

As Alpine head into the Miami GP weekend, they’ll be hoping to put this controversy behind them and focus on racing. Though given their track record of strategic brilliance, they’ll probably end up accidentally entering Colapinto in the Formula 2 support race while Gasly gets both Alpine seats for the main event.

Nothing to see here, folks. Just a completely normal, totally unified team where both drivers definitely receive equal treatment and any suggestion otherwise is pure coincidence. The fact that we needed a press release to clarify this is surely just Alpine being thorough.